THE INNER COUPLE
Exploring the polarities that live inside us
According to the psychiatrist and psychotherapist Carl Jung, we all have an inner masculine and feminine.
This is an inner couple, regardless of gender, sexual orientation or anything that defines your outer coating.
If you define yourself as a man, you have an inner woman and an inner man. The man is not the whole of you - it is the masculine flavour of you.
John has an inner man and woman. The inner man is John’s masculine. His guy.
If you define yourself as a woman, you have an inner man and an inner woman. The woman is not the full expression of you - it is the feminine flavour of you.
Jane has an inner woman and man. The inner woman is Jane’s feminine. Her girl.
If you do not conform to traditional gender norms this can still be a supportive exploration. The masculine and feminine are energies that dance in polarity, not a conformist male or female role.
Understanding the masculine and feminine principles
Often these archetypes are hidden from us because we are not self-aware about our own masculine and feminine traits. Often we see ourselves as we present to our conscious mind. Yet there is more under the surface waiting to have the light of awareness shone onto it.
Generally, men understand themselves to be men. Women understand themselves to be women.
Which may be true for you,
But it’s not the full story.
Jung described the unconscious masculine side of a woman as ‘animus’, and the unconscious feminine side of a man is ‘anima’.
Due to societal conditioning and expectations of what a man and woman ‘should’ be, this can lead to a one-sided expression of life and sexuality. Often people are living from one pole and missing out on the fullness of what is possible for their self expression and relationships.
Lifting the lid on these dynamics
In our work as Dakinis, hundreds of men have shared a similar challenge:
They long to feel their softness, their sensuality and receive from their partner or lovers in a more feminine, soft and gentle way. They want to be able to lean on their partner (whatever their gender or orientation) and receive love and attention in a way that satiates their inner feminine and slows their sexuality down.
Broaching this topic can be challenging. Some may feel that to embrace their femininity means they are no longer ‘manly’. Or for a woman to embrace her inner masculine can be a turn off to men. Needs often go unexpressed for fear of upsetting a partner. And many male bodies are expecting an external woman to meet their own inner feminine’s desires without realising they could give this love and attention to themselves too.
By working with Dakinis, male bodies are often seeking an experience of intimacy, intuitive gaze, sensual, erotic and opening touch where they can fully surrender to the present moment and receive without giving anything in return. They can learn about their sexuality, their needs and desires without worrying about ‘performing’. They can connect with their own energy system and nourish the connection between their c*ck and their heart without worrying about serving the other. It also doesn’t matter if they are hard, soft, aroused, emotional, frustrated or in total restorative relaxation.
They can be in full surrender and be held.
As Dakinis, we offer a transmission of the gifts and beauty of the feminine. Our inner men are also very much at the table, holding the space and ensuring safety, containment and presence for the receiver.
Despite the huge shifts in the traditional family structures in the (largely in the West), playing out one-dimensional gender roles is common. Of course it may work for you. It can also create a feeling of stuckness in the intimacy and sexual chemistry of the relationship.
If the man doesn’t make space to feel his feminine softness, slowness and sensuality then he is likely missing a feeling of being nurtured. He is likely disconnected from his emotional feeling body. He may fall into fast, friction based sex because he isn’t attuned to his inner feminine and therefore not feeling what is required for the external feminine to fully open. He feels something is missing - but doesn’t know how to access it.
If a woman isn’t making space for her inner feminine, she is likely moving through life at a pace that doesn’t always suit her nature womb rhythms. Striving for things outside of herself and experiencing disconnection from sensuality, slowness and softness. Diet culture, over-exercise and pushing to ‘have it all’ can leave a woman longing to be held, seen and provided for by an external masculine because the inner man is in overdrive and the inner woman is starving for connection and to be seen.
This is just one example of a possible dynamic. This a fluid and multi-faceted topic that requires nuance and an open mind to explore.
Understanding the energies beyond gender identity
It can be helpful to feel into these concepts as energies that live inside of us. Energies that are in a perpetual dance of polarity.
How does your masculine energy show up? How does your feminine energy want to express?
What does your inner couple need?
Are you in a natural symbiosis or do you feel something may be missing?
Taking ownership for what our inner feminine or masculine requires to feel safe, held and healthy is a supportive way to inner union on the inside… and ecstatic union on the outside.
